Coming Home, A Stranger

43 days ago I left France, my second home.
These last 43 days have been filled with a lot of emotion. Some days of smiles, yet some nights of tears.

Before I went on exchange a returnee told me that coming home would be the hardest thing I ever did in my life and that couldn't be more true. Coming home has been extremely enlightening but also the hardest thing. There is so much to smile about in my life here but that doesn't change the fact that there are so many things about France that I find myself missing.

The hardest thing of it all is becoming a stranger in your own life. I feel like my own life has changed and I am just an onlooker now even though everybody says I am the exact same person as I was when I left. But the truth is, I am completely different. The things that I used to love to do just don't appeal to me in the same way they did before. I think after seeing so many things and living such a different life, I adjusted to a constant change and excitement. Without that I am simply bored. And being bored of the things that all of my friends and the old me used to love is the hardest thing.

In France I learned a lot, about myself and the rest of the world. It's as if I am looking through a new lens after my time abroad with AFS. As hard as coming home has been I don't regret a single thing. I am so grateful for my life here and the opportunities that I have been offered. Each day I adjust a little bit more to my life in Oregon, making it a little easier. However that does not lessen the amount I miss the people who I have had the chance to meet.

Yes, my experience abroad is over and I am home in the US. However, my experience will continue to impact me as I chose what direction to go in next with my life. And with that I will say goodbye to this blog for a while. I am sure there will be a few more times when I need to write about the impact AFS has made on my life and find myself back here. But for now I need to get back to my real life here and find where I need to be again. You can't be in two places at once so now I need to learn how to balance my two worlds, without living in the past.

Thank you for all of the support everybody has given me through this stepping stone in my life. I really appreciate it. And to anybody who is considering going abroad, DO IT! Yes it will be hard at some points but in the end it's all worth it. Going on exchange was the most rewarding experience of my life and I couldn't be happier with my decision to go.

Thank you again.
 bientôt.
Courtney Aldridge

La France me manque

As I lay here in bed trying to sleep I find it almost impossible.
Every night since I have been back in the US there is about an hour before I fall asleep where I lay in bed and all the things I miss about France come drifting through my head. And as each memory comes to mind, the hole in my stomach grows a little bigger to the point when I find myself wide awake. Wide awake missing the things that I never even took time to notice or be thankful for.

I find myself missing absolutely everything about my life in France. Le pain (the bread). My friends. French class, which seemed to drown on for hours. My host sister. My host brother. Both of my host parents. Our bunk bed. Disney karaoke with my host sister. Outdoor cafés. Monacos. Centre-ville. Spending hours on the stairs just enjoying company. Luciana. Enzo. All of my classmates. Pontus de Tyard. The cheese. Not always being able to explain everything. Asking how to say things in French. Speaking french. Crêpes. Nutella. Chez moi. Trains. Sleepovers on the countryside. The Saone river. Day trips to Dijon. Family meals. French T.V.. Language confusions. Sharing a room. My host grandparents.The familiar streets of Chalon. The church bells ringing every hour. Le Cathé. Abby. The form of Vous. Taunting smell of the bakeries in the morning. Walk to school. Discovering many things each day. The constancy of being curious. My little red flip phone. Reading Le Petit Prince with my host sister. The excitement of using a new word you just learned. Listening to French speaking english. The garden.  The word "grave". My daily routine.

And this is only the beginning of a very long list that runs through my head over and over again each night.

The things I might never live again and the people who I don't get to see everyday anymore or even on a weekly basis. It's hard, harder than I ever thought it would be. And of course I am so happy to be with my family and friends again but even that happiness does not manage to cover up the pain of missing somethings so much. And its not just "somethings", it's another life, it's my other life.

The Unfortunate End of this Journey

Well after 5 and a half months in France I am home. I will talk about how the adjustment has been in another post but now I want to talk about my last week, which I spent with 3 other AFS students, my liaison, and 2 of her kids. It was a very busy trip and we had so much fun!

That Monday we said our goodbyes to our families and our dear town Chalon sur Saone and headed off to paris at 8 o'clock in the morning. We had a quick lunch, which we ate in the car then went to the Bateaux Mouches. It was about an hour long boat ride down the Seine in the heart of Paris. After that we went to see the French Statue of Liberty, Le Pont des Arts, Notre Dame and a little of downtown. Le Pont des Arts is a famous bridge in Paris where couples would go and lock a padlock to the bridge then throw the key in. After visiting a little of Paris we headed to our hotel which was on the outskirts of Paris, closer to EuroDisney. We had dinner at a restaurant next to the hotel, which actually seemed very American to me, then went back to the hotel and stayed in for the night.

 Tuesday morning we woke up nice and early, then left for EuroDisney! We spent the whole day there between two parks. It was so much fun, of course Disney always is! However I was surprised to see how much the tourism there had affected it. While there I felt as if I was in the US, especially considering most people were speaking english and there was hardly any French influence. We went on all the rides there and watched the fireworks show at night. Then at around midnight we headed back to the hotel.

Wednesday morning we packed up the car and set off for the Palais de Versailles. We spent the morning exploring the beautiful castle, but even more the enchanting garden which is immense. After eating lunch right across the street from the castle we took a 4 hour drive to the beach in the region of Bretagne, which is in the Northwest of France. It was a long drive in a crowded, hot car but it was most definitely worth it. We had a small dinner when we got back and then went out into the small beach town for the night.

On Thursday morning we headed off to Mont Saint-Michel, about 45 minutes away. Mont Saint-Michel is an island off the coast of the region of Normandy. There are a ton of little shops, restaurants, and a few museums on the island. On top of the island stands a grand church that dates back to 708 A.D.. We visited the island and a few museums just until 2 pm, when we had walking tour in the sand surrounding the island. There we learned about the sinking sand and had to cross a few mini rivers, which was fun expect for the cold weather. Just as we were walking back toward the island the rain started to fall extremely hard and by the time we got back all of our clothes were completely soaked! After that we headed back to the hotel to get warm! We went to get galettes, which is similar to a salty crêpe that can be eaten with all types of salty toppings, including eggs, chicken, and many types of vegetables. Then for dessert we had crêpes, which were absolutely amazing! We ended the night going out, making some friends, and visiting the beach a little.

Then Friday morning I took a train with Luciana and Enzo back to Paris. We were pretty exhausted from the trip so we stayed pretty mellow in Paris, just exploring different neighborhoods and shops trying to take in our last bits of France. We also went to Galeries Lafayette, which was absolutely enormous with 7 or 8 floors in the main building and then about 5 stories in the 2 other buildings. We actually got separated there and spent almost 2 hours looking for each other! After finally reuniting we found a Parisian restaurant to eat a nice dinner in. We then headed back to the hotel completely exhausted on the metro. When we got to our room we ran a bubble bath and had a fun time blowing bubbles into the streets of Paris. We spent the night talking and finally fell asleep a while after.

Saturday morning we packed up all of our luggage, went to get breakfast, then headed off to the AFS building. The car ride was sad with the knowledge we were about to say some very hard goodbyes. When we got there we loaded all of our suitcases into a big bus with some other students and said our goodbyes to our liaison and her two sons who we had all gotten really close with over the time of our exchange. Then we finally got on the bus and headed to the hotel, near the airport, where we would be spending our last night in France. When we got there we were reunited with about 250 other AFS students who were in France, including both semester and year long stay students. We did a few activities in groups about what we learned, differences, and how we changed over our time in France. After we finished with that we just hung out and talked with kids from all over the world for a few hours until dinner. We had some type of tart and chicken for our last dinner in France and then had a small closing ceremony. We watched a few AFS videos, did the typical AFS funky chicken dance, took pictures, said most of our goodbyes, and shed lots of tears. The night ended with receiving our flight information and then being sent off to bed. I stayed with two friends from my region, Luciana and Aymara.

Then Sunday morning I woke up with Luciana to say goodbye to our good friend Enzo at 5 in the morning. It was hard, but I think we were too tired to really realize that this was goodbye. We then went back up to bed only to wake up for good a few hours later. We then went and got breakfast, took showers and got ready to leave. The breakfast was amazing with warm pain au chocolats, croissants, and a ton of other options. Then a few hours later after rearranging my suitcases, hoping to meet the limit, and making sure I had everything it was time for the American semester students to leave. That was the moment that tears started to run and didn't stop. I hugged my best friend and we both cried and made promises to see each other again soon. And that right there was one of the hardest moments of my life. Then the AFS lady herded us out the door and as long as I tried to stay behind saying goodbye eventually they wouldn't let me anymore and I was forced to leave. With tears streaming down my face and hopes to see my friends who had become my family again I walked out the doors absentmindedly following the volunteers.

We checked in through Air France Along with me I had the same two suitcases I had arrived with five and a half short months earlier, and although I had a new purse, a new watch, and longer hair most of what I had gained in France couldn't be seen. This time when I checked into my flight  at Charles De Gaulle I had a lot more than I did when I checked into my flight at JFK. I refuse to write that crap that you hear so often about people "finding themselves abroad", however I will say I grew up in France. I'm the same person but I have seen a lot more, I have become more independent, I have lived with two french families, I have attended two french high schools and I have met people who truly changed my life. When I look back at myself when I boarded the plane in New York with 10 other Americans, I see myself as naive and trusting. And even though I am still a kid, I was forced to grow up in France.

Anyway we then had a ten hour flight all talking about the people we had met, the crazy stuff we had done, and what we were really going to miss. We filled out custom forms, ate our airplane food and got ready to take our first steps back in the US. When the flight finally reached its end, we all clasped hands as the plane landed and took our first bittersweet breath back on American soil.

Where has the time gone?

Today I pulled out my suitcase and started loading up my vacuum bags, hoping I would be able to fit everything. It feels like just yesterday I was sealing up those vacuum bags back in Oregon getting ready to stay goodbye. Here I am getting ready to say goodbye again, but to another life. A life that I have grown to love and will never forget.

So I know I have blogged hardly anything this month and I am sorry for that but I really have been busy! With the end of school, some traveling, birthdays, and a lot more! Here are some of the highlights with some pictures. Enjoy! :)

I went to Lyon for a day with Luciana and Enzo. I had already gone with my host parents but it was nice to revisit. It is really a beautiful town with so much to offer.

 I also went to see a bunch of hot air balloons take off with my host mom. Unfortunately after we got there it was announced that the hot air balloons wouldn't be taking off due to the weather conditions. However one took off anyway.


Then there was the 40th anniversary of AFS France in my region (Bourgogne) so there was a big party in my town for that with AFS people from all over France. It consisted of a dinner, taking lots of pictures, dancing, singing and a few speeches about AFS. I never thought AFS would become such a big part of my life, but it has become somewhat like a family.

Then with the end of the school year, terminal (senior class) organized a huge water fight in the park at school during lunch. However, along with the water students brought eggs, flour and other stuff that kids were picking out of their hair for the rest of the day in class.

 

We also celebrated my host brother's 18th birthday with all of the host family at the house, which was a lot of fun!

My friends and I ate pizza together next to the river and then went to a cafe later for our last night altogether. They gave me a ton of presents and it was so sweet. It was really hard saying goodbye to all of them and I will never forget them. They helped me around the halls when I was lost and were patient enough to explain ancient french poems to me. I am really going to miss them!

 I tasted escargot (snails) for the first time at my host grandparents house as well. It was odd, but I surprisingly liked them! It was hard saying goodbye to my host parents as well.

Including all of this I also headed across France to Nantes, which is in the west about 45 minutes away from the beach. I took a 7 hour train with Luciana then spent a wonderful week in the fifth biggest town in France. We stayed  in the center of town with another AFS family who was really great! There was also another chinese guy who came for the week to stay with the family. The family was really welcoming and friendly. During the week we visited several museums, a castle, took a boat ride, explored the town and had a really good time! We also made fajitas for the family one night, we really nervous about them but in the end they turned out really good! Also during the week there was a huge music festival, that happened to be on Luciana's 18th birthday, all around France. To celebrate Luciana's birthday the family we were staying with bought a cake and we sang happy birthday. Then at night there was music lining the streets all over with bands, djs, singers- everything musical. Then of course you had people all over dancing to the music. It was really an incredible night! During the week we also got a chance to do a little bit of shopping. Then on the last day there the woman we were staying with took us to the beach. Unfortunately the weather was pretty bad, but it was still great to visit the beach! Overall it was really a great week, one I will definitely never forget.

So that is what I have been up to the last month. I hope to get one more blog post in before I head home in 9 days. I am going to Paris the week before with some friends and my AFS liaison, which unfortunately means I will be leaving my host family in 2 days. I am not ready to go home but I have a life in America that I need to get back to. 

Bisous!

Life lesson

If there is one thing I have really learned in France, it's to not take anybody for granted. When you spend 5 months without the people who have always surrounded you, you realize how important they are to you. Here on the other side of the world, I have realized how great of people I have in my life and I have stopped taking them for granted. Along with learning who cares you also learn who doesn't. And as unfortunate as this may be, it's the truth. I have learned who is really there and who I can live without. With that I can say how I also have been forced to realize how important my family is to me. They have given me so much support through this journey and I am so appreciative for that. Thanks mom and dad, I love you.

What is exchange?

I am not sure who wrote this but I found it on the internet and it explains exactly what it's like to be an exchange student so I thought I would share it. Enjoy.




Exchange is change. Rapid, brutal, beautiful, hurtful, colourful, amazing, unexpected, overwhelming and most of all constant change. Change in lifestyle, country, language, friends, parents, houses, school, simply everything.

Exchange is realizing that everything they told you beforehand is wrong, but also right in a way.

Exchange is going from thinking you know who you are, to having no idea who you are anymore to being someone new. But not entirely new. You are still the person you were before but you jumped into that ice cold lake. You know how it feels like to be on your own. Away from home, with no one you really know. And you find out that you can actually do it.

Exchange is learning to trust. Trust people, who, at first, are only names on a piece of paper, trust that they want the best for you, that they care. Trust, that you have the strength to endure a semester on your own, endure a semester of being apart from everything that mattered to you before. Trust that you will have friends. Trust that everything’s going to be alright. And it is seeing this trust being justified.

Exchange is thinking. All the time. About everything. Thinking about those strange costumes, the strange food, the strange language. About why you’re here and not back home. About how it’s going to be like once you come back home. How that boy is going to react when you see him again. About who’s hanging out where this weekend. At first who’s inviting you at all. And in the end where you’re supposed to go, when you’re invited to ten different things. About how everybody at home is doing. About how stupid this whole time-zone thing is. Not only because of home, but also because the tv ads for shows keep confusing you.
Thinking about what’s right and what’s wrong. About how stupid or rude you just were to someone without meaning to be. About the point of all this. About the sense of life. About who you want to be, what you want to do. And about when that English essay is due, even though you’re marks don’t count. About whether you should go home after school, or hang out at someone’s place until midnight. Someone you didn’t even know a few months ago. And about what the hell that guy just said.

Exchange is people. Those incredibly strange people, who look at you like you’re an alien. Those people who are too afraid to talk to you. And those people who actually talk to you. Those people who know your name, even though you have never met them. Those people, who tell you who to stay away from. Those people who talk about you behind your back, those people who make fun of your country. All those people, who aren’t worth your giving a damn. Those people you ignore.
And those people who invite you to their homes. Who keep you sane. Who become your friends.

Exchange is music. New music, weird music, cool music, music you will remember all your life as the soundtrack of your exchange. Music that will make you cry because all those lyrics express exactly how you feel, so far away. Music that will make you feel like you could take on the whole world. And it is music you make. With the most amazing musicians you’ve ever met. And it is site reading a thousand pages just to be part of the school band.

Exchange is uncomfortable. It’s feeling out of place, like a fifth wheel. It’s talking to people you don’t like. It’s trying to be nice all the time. It’s bugs.. and bears. It’s cold, freezing cold. It’s homesickness, it’s awkward silence and its feeling guilty because you didn’t talk to someone at home. Or feeling guilty because you missed something because you were talking on Skype.

Exchange is great. It’s feeling the connection between you and your host parents grow. It’s hearing your little host brother asking where his big brother is. It’s knowing in which cupboard the peanut butter is. It’s meeting people from all over the world. It’s having a place to stay in almost every country of the world. It’s getting 5 new families. One of them being a huge group of the most awesome teenagers in the world.
It’s cooking food from your home country and not messing up. It’s seeing beautiful landscapes that you never knew existed.

Exchange is exchange students. The most amazing people in the whole wide world. Those people from everywhere who know exactly how you feel and those people who become your absolute best friends even though you only see most of them 3 or 4 times during your semester. The people, who take almost an hour to say their final goodbyes to each other. Those people with the jackets full of pins. All over the world.

Exchange is falling in love. With this amazing, wild, beautiful country. And with your home country.

Exchange is frustrating. Things you can’t do, things you don’t understand. Things you say, that mean the exact opposite of what you meant to say. Or even worse…

Exchange is understanding.

Exchange is unbelievable.

Exchange is not a semester in your life. It’s a life in one semester.

Exchange is nothing like you expected it to be, and everything you wanted it to be.

Exchange is the best semester of your life so far. Without a doubt. And it’s also the worst. Without a doubt.

Exchange is something you will never forget, something that will always be a part of you. It is something no one back at home will ever truly understand.

Exchange is growing up, realizing that everybody is the same, no matter where they’re from. That there is great people and douche bags everywhere. And that it only depends on you how good or bad your day is going to be. Or the whole year.
And it is realizing that you can be on your own, that you are an independent person. Finally. And it’s trying to explain that to your parents.

Exchange is dancing in the rain for no reason, crying without a reason, laughing at the same time. It’s a turmoil of every emotion possible.

Exchange is everything. And exchange is something you can’t understand unless you’ve been through it.

How did I get here?

Sometimes I look around and still can't believe that this is all real. Going into freshman year I never would have believed it if someone told me where I would be two and a half short years later. I know when I decided to come on exchange I was beyond excited, but looking back now I see how naive I really was, thinking exchange would be one big party. I never would have imagined the obstacles I would face or the people I would be so lucky to meet. Sure I have only been in France for 4 short months, but this has become my life. When I log on Facebook now I don't see the faces of Bend anymore but rather the faces of the world. I see some of the most courageous, incredible people from all around the globe, I see the people who are really going to make a difference in this world, even if they don't know it yet. Before coming to France I considered myself independent, and sure I was but nowhere near to the way I am now. I think on exchange you are really forced to find what you like and who you are. There's nobody else there to make your choices for you and you must find what you stand for. Even with others' opinions you learn to ignore those and really find what you want and get a better idea of who you are. You take opinions from all over the world and somewhere in between find your own.

I don't know how I got here and sometimes I'd rather be anywhere else. I don't regret any of it for a minute though. There are people in my life now that I couldn't live without and lessons I've learned that I will keep with me for the rest of my life. 

As my time here in France gets shorter and shorter I have been trying to take advantage of every moment here. Last weekend was a four day weekend due to Ascension Day in France.
On Wednesday night I went to the circus with my host family which for me was like a scene straight out of the movies. It was in a large circus tent and lasted about 2 hours with some really impressive acts including amazing gymnasts and of course some animals. It was something totally new for me and I really enjoyed it.

Then on Friday I went to my host sister's best friend's birthday party. We dressed up in flashy clothes, had dinner in the park and just hung out. Some of the girls has a spaghetti fight but I managed to stay out of it, and keeping clean! Then Saturday I went with Luciana to Enzo's house in a small town on the countryside for an event his family was helping with. They rented the event center and turned it into a restaurant with some acts and dancing. We also had raclette which is a delicious french food. It consists usually of potatoes, ham and melted raclette cheese. It's one of my favorite french meals that I've tasted!

Sunday afternoon I went with my family, excluding my host brother, to a rugby match. A family member of my host mom is the president of the rugby club so there was a large classy lunch before the game started. It was my first time watching a whole rugby game and although it has many differences I found it similar to football (American). While at the game I started thinking of all the things I have seen with this family. They have definitely introduced me to a huge part of France, ranging from countryside to big cities and French food to European sports. I am really thankful for them and don't think I could ever give back as much as they've given me. I am truly thankful for them.

The other day talking with Luciana and Enzo I realized how little time I have left here and since then the ticking clock has been a bit haunting. There's really no way to describe this feeling, except for bittersweet. Of course I am so excited to see my family, friends and be truly relaxed in my home again but on the other hand there is so much that I will be sad to leave behind, mostly the people. And the real problem is I can't simply return to it all. Half of my time here I spend with other exchange students and Chalon wouldn't be the same without them. Leaving them in Paris is going to be one of the hardest things I have to do, along with leaving my host family and friends in Chalon. It's something I don't want to think about but it's so hard to ignore as each day passes by. When I left home I knew I'd be coming home soon and things wouldn't change that much, however I can't say the same for Chalon- and that's the hardest part. 

Second week of vacation!

Alright so it was about 2 weeks ago but I really should update about the rest of my vacation because it was definitely noteworthy!

Most of the week my host parents were busy with work but one of the days they had off and we went to a castle about 30 minutes away. All of my host family went except for my host brother because he was busy studying for the end of high school exams, aka the BAC. When we got there we hiked up to a cute little village that is from long before the founding of the Americas. In the town there was an extremely old church with an elderly man playing a harp inside, which really added to the beauty of the church and the atmosphere. Then we headed to the castle which was cool as well. It's always really impressive to see these buildings that are so old, especially because in the US everything is so new in comparison. It was one of those days were I looked around and remembered that even with the rough times here, I am so thankful to have the opportunity to be here.

The church

Where guards used to set their guns up to shoot anybody trying to attack the castle. 

Another day during the week I went with my host sister to my host mom's parents house to have lunch and go swimming. I am really jealous how my host family has the opportunity to go and see their extended relatives just about any day of the week, whereas in the states I rarely get to see mine and it's quite expensive. My host grandparents are really nice and interesting to talk to, especially because they have traveled all over the world and have lots of stories.

AFS meeting

Church in Lyon

Roman theater with Lyon in the background

Also during the break I had the opportunity to go to Lyon with my host parents to watch my host brother's handball tournament and do a little visiting. It's one of the biggest cities in France and is quite beautiful. My host brother had two handball matches- winning one and losing the other. Then we went and had lunch in a typical Lyonnais restaurant in the center of town, followed by visiting a few of the largest churches in Lyon. They were really beautiful and one of the churches was actually two in one. After that we saw an old roman theater above the city and then headed home. It was another great day and I was happy to finally be able to visit Lyon!

The last big part of my vacation was an AFS meeting in a big castle right outside of Chalon. It's always nice to see everybody again and hear about how everybody is doing. There was also all of the French students getting to go abroad. It was really strange talking to them about getting ready to leave and remembering that was me doing the same exercises on the other side of the world just 4 months ago. It's crazy just how much I have learned and grown since then.

Then unfortunately the vacation had to come to an end. However luckily in the month of May there are many holidays so we have some longer weekends.

Thats the end of my vacation update, hopefully I'll have a chance to update again soon because there is really so much to say!
Bisous!

Far overdue blog post

3 weeks later!
I have had a few downs lately from homesickness but I've also had some great ups!

During the 2 week vacation I went to see my friend Hannah in Nice and we had a great time! After a 7 hour train ride with a stop in Lyon I arrived in Nice to meet Hannah and the rest of her family! She has a really great family and they were very welcoming! The first day there we went to Monaco with her host sister who is going to the states next year with AFS. Then the second day Hannah and I went to Monaco again and a small town called Antibes for dinner. In Monaco we went to the aquarium, the prince's palace, Monte Carlo and some other places. I also learned that Monaco is actually it's own country even though it only has a population of about 35,000. Then the third day we went to Cannes for the day and then back to Monaco for the night. The last day we spent making pancakes and wondering around Nice! It was so great to see Hannah and discover her region. It's really stunning in her region and it was nice to see the beach again.

I'll update more soon but right now I don't have time! Hope everybody is enjoying spring! :)

Bisous!