Coming Home, A Stranger

43 days ago I left France, my second home.
These last 43 days have been filled with a lot of emotion. Some days of smiles, yet some nights of tears.

Before I went on exchange a returnee told me that coming home would be the hardest thing I ever did in my life and that couldn't be more true. Coming home has been extremely enlightening but also the hardest thing. There is so much to smile about in my life here but that doesn't change the fact that there are so many things about France that I find myself missing.

The hardest thing of it all is becoming a stranger in your own life. I feel like my own life has changed and I am just an onlooker now even though everybody says I am the exact same person as I was when I left. But the truth is, I am completely different. The things that I used to love to do just don't appeal to me in the same way they did before. I think after seeing so many things and living such a different life, I adjusted to a constant change and excitement. Without that I am simply bored. And being bored of the things that all of my friends and the old me used to love is the hardest thing.

In France I learned a lot, about myself and the rest of the world. It's as if I am looking through a new lens after my time abroad with AFS. As hard as coming home has been I don't regret a single thing. I am so grateful for my life here and the opportunities that I have been offered. Each day I adjust a little bit more to my life in Oregon, making it a little easier. However that does not lessen the amount I miss the people who I have had the chance to meet.

Yes, my experience abroad is over and I am home in the US. However, my experience will continue to impact me as I chose what direction to go in next with my life. And with that I will say goodbye to this blog for a while. I am sure there will be a few more times when I need to write about the impact AFS has made on my life and find myself back here. But for now I need to get back to my real life here and find where I need to be again. You can't be in two places at once so now I need to learn how to balance my two worlds, without living in the past.

Thank you for all of the support everybody has given me through this stepping stone in my life. I really appreciate it. And to anybody who is considering going abroad, DO IT! Yes it will be hard at some points but in the end it's all worth it. Going on exchange was the most rewarding experience of my life and I couldn't be happier with my decision to go.

Thank you again.
 bientôt.
Courtney Aldridge

La France me manque

As I lay here in bed trying to sleep I find it almost impossible.
Every night since I have been back in the US there is about an hour before I fall asleep where I lay in bed and all the things I miss about France come drifting through my head. And as each memory comes to mind, the hole in my stomach grows a little bigger to the point when I find myself wide awake. Wide awake missing the things that I never even took time to notice or be thankful for.

I find myself missing absolutely everything about my life in France. Le pain (the bread). My friends. French class, which seemed to drown on for hours. My host sister. My host brother. Both of my host parents. Our bunk bed. Disney karaoke with my host sister. Outdoor cafés. Monacos. Centre-ville. Spending hours on the stairs just enjoying company. Luciana. Enzo. All of my classmates. Pontus de Tyard. The cheese. Not always being able to explain everything. Asking how to say things in French. Speaking french. Crêpes. Nutella. Chez moi. Trains. Sleepovers on the countryside. The Saone river. Day trips to Dijon. Family meals. French T.V.. Language confusions. Sharing a room. My host grandparents.The familiar streets of Chalon. The church bells ringing every hour. Le Cathé. Abby. The form of Vous. Taunting smell of the bakeries in the morning. Walk to school. Discovering many things each day. The constancy of being curious. My little red flip phone. Reading Le Petit Prince with my host sister. The excitement of using a new word you just learned. Listening to French speaking english. The garden.  The word "grave". My daily routine.

And this is only the beginning of a very long list that runs through my head over and over again each night.

The things I might never live again and the people who I don't get to see everyday anymore or even on a weekly basis. It's hard, harder than I ever thought it would be. And of course I am so happy to be with my family and friends again but even that happiness does not manage to cover up the pain of missing somethings so much. And its not just "somethings", it's another life, it's my other life.

The Unfortunate End of this Journey

Well after 5 and a half months in France I am home. I will talk about how the adjustment has been in another post but now I want to talk about my last week, which I spent with 3 other AFS students, my liaison, and 2 of her kids. It was a very busy trip and we had so much fun!

That Monday we said our goodbyes to our families and our dear town Chalon sur Saone and headed off to paris at 8 o'clock in the morning. We had a quick lunch, which we ate in the car then went to the Bateaux Mouches. It was about an hour long boat ride down the Seine in the heart of Paris. After that we went to see the French Statue of Liberty, Le Pont des Arts, Notre Dame and a little of downtown. Le Pont des Arts is a famous bridge in Paris where couples would go and lock a padlock to the bridge then throw the key in. After visiting a little of Paris we headed to our hotel which was on the outskirts of Paris, closer to EuroDisney. We had dinner at a restaurant next to the hotel, which actually seemed very American to me, then went back to the hotel and stayed in for the night.

 Tuesday morning we woke up nice and early, then left for EuroDisney! We spent the whole day there between two parks. It was so much fun, of course Disney always is! However I was surprised to see how much the tourism there had affected it. While there I felt as if I was in the US, especially considering most people were speaking english and there was hardly any French influence. We went on all the rides there and watched the fireworks show at night. Then at around midnight we headed back to the hotel.

Wednesday morning we packed up the car and set off for the Palais de Versailles. We spent the morning exploring the beautiful castle, but even more the enchanting garden which is immense. After eating lunch right across the street from the castle we took a 4 hour drive to the beach in the region of Bretagne, which is in the Northwest of France. It was a long drive in a crowded, hot car but it was most definitely worth it. We had a small dinner when we got back and then went out into the small beach town for the night.

On Thursday morning we headed off to Mont Saint-Michel, about 45 minutes away. Mont Saint-Michel is an island off the coast of the region of Normandy. There are a ton of little shops, restaurants, and a few museums on the island. On top of the island stands a grand church that dates back to 708 A.D.. We visited the island and a few museums just until 2 pm, when we had walking tour in the sand surrounding the island. There we learned about the sinking sand and had to cross a few mini rivers, which was fun expect for the cold weather. Just as we were walking back toward the island the rain started to fall extremely hard and by the time we got back all of our clothes were completely soaked! After that we headed back to the hotel to get warm! We went to get galettes, which is similar to a salty crêpe that can be eaten with all types of salty toppings, including eggs, chicken, and many types of vegetables. Then for dessert we had crêpes, which were absolutely amazing! We ended the night going out, making some friends, and visiting the beach a little.

Then Friday morning I took a train with Luciana and Enzo back to Paris. We were pretty exhausted from the trip so we stayed pretty mellow in Paris, just exploring different neighborhoods and shops trying to take in our last bits of France. We also went to Galeries Lafayette, which was absolutely enormous with 7 or 8 floors in the main building and then about 5 stories in the 2 other buildings. We actually got separated there and spent almost 2 hours looking for each other! After finally reuniting we found a Parisian restaurant to eat a nice dinner in. We then headed back to the hotel completely exhausted on the metro. When we got to our room we ran a bubble bath and had a fun time blowing bubbles into the streets of Paris. We spent the night talking and finally fell asleep a while after.

Saturday morning we packed up all of our luggage, went to get breakfast, then headed off to the AFS building. The car ride was sad with the knowledge we were about to say some very hard goodbyes. When we got there we loaded all of our suitcases into a big bus with some other students and said our goodbyes to our liaison and her two sons who we had all gotten really close with over the time of our exchange. Then we finally got on the bus and headed to the hotel, near the airport, where we would be spending our last night in France. When we got there we were reunited with about 250 other AFS students who were in France, including both semester and year long stay students. We did a few activities in groups about what we learned, differences, and how we changed over our time in France. After we finished with that we just hung out and talked with kids from all over the world for a few hours until dinner. We had some type of tart and chicken for our last dinner in France and then had a small closing ceremony. We watched a few AFS videos, did the typical AFS funky chicken dance, took pictures, said most of our goodbyes, and shed lots of tears. The night ended with receiving our flight information and then being sent off to bed. I stayed with two friends from my region, Luciana and Aymara.

Then Sunday morning I woke up with Luciana to say goodbye to our good friend Enzo at 5 in the morning. It was hard, but I think we were too tired to really realize that this was goodbye. We then went back up to bed only to wake up for good a few hours later. We then went and got breakfast, took showers and got ready to leave. The breakfast was amazing with warm pain au chocolats, croissants, and a ton of other options. Then a few hours later after rearranging my suitcases, hoping to meet the limit, and making sure I had everything it was time for the American semester students to leave. That was the moment that tears started to run and didn't stop. I hugged my best friend and we both cried and made promises to see each other again soon. And that right there was one of the hardest moments of my life. Then the AFS lady herded us out the door and as long as I tried to stay behind saying goodbye eventually they wouldn't let me anymore and I was forced to leave. With tears streaming down my face and hopes to see my friends who had become my family again I walked out the doors absentmindedly following the volunteers.

We checked in through Air France Along with me I had the same two suitcases I had arrived with five and a half short months earlier, and although I had a new purse, a new watch, and longer hair most of what I had gained in France couldn't be seen. This time when I checked into my flight  at Charles De Gaulle I had a lot more than I did when I checked into my flight at JFK. I refuse to write that crap that you hear so often about people "finding themselves abroad", however I will say I grew up in France. I'm the same person but I have seen a lot more, I have become more independent, I have lived with two french families, I have attended two french high schools and I have met people who truly changed my life. When I look back at myself when I boarded the plane in New York with 10 other Americans, I see myself as naive and trusting. And even though I am still a kid, I was forced to grow up in France.

Anyway we then had a ten hour flight all talking about the people we had met, the crazy stuff we had done, and what we were really going to miss. We filled out custom forms, ate our airplane food and got ready to take our first steps back in the US. When the flight finally reached its end, we all clasped hands as the plane landed and took our first bittersweet breath back on American soil.